Diary of a Young James Franco

From the diary of a young James Franco:

age 9, "I thought in those movies and tv shows when they talk about having a coffee break that they should have a masturbation break. But then again, maybe that would decrease productivity. Aha!"

age 11, "Maybe these are my glory days, and I'm not even realizing it because they don't involve a ball."

age 16, "a well-bearded man is only a well-bearded man as long as someone makes sure that he stays that way. Instead of the morning shave as status quo, a new order emerges. Instead of the never-ending regularly recurring necessity deserving comparison with the trials of Sisyphus there is...what exactly I don't know yet. A lot of people like saying things like, 'hey man, nice beard.'"

Christmas, 2014, "I think I'm the only person in my family who's ever been high. maybe also my brother. i'm not sure. definitely not my sister. then again, maybe my whole family has been high, and we just don't tell each other these things."

The James Franco Weed Challenge (YouTube)

The time of James Franco's novel
is the time of a humanity that has lost its continuity
with humanity.

A humanity that no longer knows anything
no longer remembers anything
lives in cities without names
where the streets have no names
or with names different from those they had yesterday.

Because a name is continuity with the past
people without a past are people without a name.
 
***
To appreciate a mystery,
part of the mind must be left behind,
brooding,
while the other part
goes
marching
on.
 - James Franco, 12/25/14

***
James Franco is post-postmodern.

***
Franco estimates that a person would have to smoke
a hundred pounds of marijuana
per minute
for fifteen minutes
in order to induce a lethal response.

Sounds like a YouTube challenge!

Only One Of These Is True (1)

Either:

(1)
Fighting with his wife,
James Franco once threw his three-month-old daughter
against a wall.
It was a padded wall in his ironic "madhouse" room,
but still.

Or:

(2)
James Franco thinks St. Thomas Aquinas and St. Augustine
were both anti-Semites.

Or:

(3)
James Franco says he has read
Anthony Burgess's A Clockwork Orange
at least three dozen times.

Someone Nodded Hello

Someone nodded hello to James Franco on the street yesterday. It must have created a domino effect, because once this someone started, everyone was nodding hello to James Franco on the street yesterday.

Franco's affair with Anna Akhmatova's great-great-granddaughter, Anna, in Amsterdam in 2044. True or false? Later in Franco's life, having never left Amsterdam, after a third of a century, James would be astonished to learn how famous he'd become, mostly thanks to Anna.

Either: James Franco's favorite personal artistic creation is a Haiku he wrote when he was 20. It's three lines long. He started it when he was 14.

Or: If forced to choose, James Franco once said, "I would rescue a cat from a burning building before a Picasso."

The Planet Camazotz

This one time, James Franco was on the planet Camazotz 

where all these little boys 

were in front of their ticky-tacky houses, 

bouncing their matching balls

of yellow, blue, and red.

All the balls hit the ground 

at exactly the same moment, 

every time.

James lit a cigarette 

and all the boys turned 

at the same exact instant

and they went back to their identical houses.

Except for one boy. 

Outside all alone,

his ball rolled forlorn into the street,

his mother all nervous and shit, 

she came out and wrangled her son,

invited James in for some coffee.

***

Harold and Maude

Dilettante has a son Harold & a daughter Maude.

The oldest movie he’s ever seen is Forrest Gump, from 1994.

He’s only seen 17 films, from beginning to end.

         America needs a 2nd party

Dilettante once dreamed he was inside a Klingon television show,

portraying a human being from the united federation of planets.

Dr. McCoy says, "wallets wrapped in amber" & it appears,

"apparently anything that can be created

which is also aesthetically pleasing, is created

Upon its signifier's utterance..."

This planet is run by fashionistas, etsy crafts folk.

WTF Klingons?

Which reminds Dilettante of the episode of Frasier

where Frasier ends up speaking at his son’s bar mitzvah

because his baby mama is named Lilith

jewish & but frasier

pisses off his friend who was supposed to translate his speech,

so his friend translates it, but into Klingon.

Which reminds Dilettante he wants to make a short story with this premise.

Dilettante says Sam Harris's motto is --

Tolerance (n):

The virtue of those who believe in nothing.

That the Great Person should be able to appear & dwell among

you again & again.

That is the sense of all your efforts here on earth.

That there should ever & again be men & women among you

able to elevate you to your heights:

That is the prize for which you strive.

& if you are not yourself a great exception well then be a small

one at least!

& so you will foster on earth that holy fire from which genius may

arise.

Friedrich Nietzsche.

Dilettante decided to experiment with Evolution, to at least read a

book about it, against the better notions of his parents, his pastor,

& his teachers.

He read Darwin's On The Origin of Species

under the covers at night so that no one would find out.

He became a Darwinist & things were good, & more importantly,

made sense.

For a while. 

Excited For Some Reason

Unfurling before our eyes

expands an endless array of Dilettantes,

a buzz at the front door sharpens things

as the Dilettantes coalesce into

one hirsute instance of the nigh cryptozoological

Dilettante

a buzz from the neighbor who lost her keys

Dilettante hesitates,

not to be rude, but cuz he’s awkward

dont know her name, sorry

only been living here for 3, 4, 5 years

i said sorry

i should know her name for crying out loud

(bend it like Dilettante)

i’m going to my room

to your room?

open the door, dude, it’s your “turn”

i opened it last time

i don’t remember that

yeah cuz it was 3 weeks ago

wait

i just got a text

he’s going to be here any minute

who

lots of baseball signs,

he’s like a third base coach

what the fuck is he trying to say

dissolve, choronzon, into nothingness

sound & fury

nothing

godot

multiple Dilettante heads pop out of each doorway,

in a long series of doorways,

leading down a seemingly infinite hallway,

there must be mirrors,

it can’t actually be infinite

can it

Godot?

did somebody say godot?

it’s pronounced Gold STEEEEEEEEEEEN.

& the Dilettantes arrange themselves in a congo line,

excited for some reason.

***

Calling to you who wanders aimlessly, or wonders,

Calling to those lost on the flotsam of eternity:

    You are a donkey that shall die in a terrifying bray.