How To Survive In The Wild

This morning I snuck into Dilettante’s room

while he was in the shower &

I got How to Survive in the Wild of Civilization Volume 3

out of his bureau.

Then I got back into bed &

hid it under the covers.

When Dilettante came in I pretended to be sick.

He put his hand on my forehead &

said What do you feel?

so I said I think I have swollen glands,

so he said You must be coming down with something,

so I said But I have to go to school,

so he said Nothing will happen if you miss a day,

so I said OK.

He brought me some chamomile tea with honey &

I drank it with my eye closed to show how sick I was.

When I heard his chair creak

I took How To Survive out &

started to read it to see if there were any clues

about who Dilettante was searching for.

Most of the pages were filled with information

like how to make a hot-rock bed, or a lean-to,

or how to make water potable.

About which Dilettante left scribbled in the margin:

"I’ve never seen any water that can’t be poured into a pot.

(Except maybe ice)"

I was starting to wonder if I would find anything

when I got to a page that said

HOW TO SURVIVE

IF YOUR GOLDEN PARACHUTE

FAILS TO OPEN.

There were ten steps but none of them made sense,

& what if your parachute isn’t golden?

For example if you are falling thru the air &

your (golden) parachute fails to open,

it said search for a stone

but why would there be stones

unless someone was throwing them at you

or you had one in your pocket

which most normal people don’t.